in revision

new weblog site

2010-01-18T00:42:00.004Z

hello there!

after months, no wait, years of an unsteady and unfaithful relationship with this blog, it's time i move on.

i'm starting over again at www.ahundredvisionsandrevisions.wordpress.com.

hope you visit me there too!

naomi

jess, i miss you.

2009-12-16T14:16:00.000Z

Spencer, Iowa
September, 2009

a dad and his daughter

2009-01-14T23:31:00.002Z

i heart holland on ice.
i never knew winters were so lovely.

the reason why i haven't been blogging...

2008-12-03T14:27:00.003Z

idfa: international documentary film festival amsterdam

The largest documentary festival in the world with 200+ films being shown in 10 days! Over the last two years I've enjoyed watching films during this festival, so this year I decided to volunteer and took the position as Zaalwacht...It seemed like a great opportunity to get out of my normal circle of people, stretch myself in speaking Dutch, and have the opportunity to see the films for free!

I could seriously become addicted to watching documentaries. It is one of my, or perhaps even the most favorite genre of film. It combines so many elements that I LOVE! History, current events, social justice, culture, imagery...and most importantly: story-telling!!! And as documentary becomes increasingly experimented with and accessible to a wider range of audiences, they're also become more creatively and intelligently done.

Documentary is full of paradox: reality mixed with fiction, live shots with also some dramatization, and intimate portrayals of ugliness that exists in our world along with signs and glimmers of beauty and hope... Although I saw many heavy films highlighting current situations in Burma or North Korea or Liberia... I was not entirely saddened or depressed from watching these films. Instead I saw people coming together who were fighting for peace, justice, and freedom...choosing to love and forgive and work in unity together towards something better despite the horrible circumstances and oppressive regimes in which they live. I was reminded again and again of how privileged I am to live in such freedom: freedom to speak, (freedom to write anything on this blog, for one thing!!), freedom to vote (and for a democratic state!), freedom to live a healthy and good and full life, freedom to work... I could go on and on. We have it so good.

I was so inspired by these films and wish I could post about each one! Each film told someone's story and this is what fascinates me more than anything: Our love of story as human beings! We just can't get enough of it! We love hearing story after story...And film captures this so powerfully! Even more interesting was having the opportunity to hear from the filmmaker in first person, ask questions, and come to a deeper understanding of why they chose to portray these particular stories. Why would they dedicate 3-5 years (sometimes much more!) to telling this one story out of all the hundreds of stories to be told? It was so interesting for me to listen to these filmmakers share their vision behind the film, the inside information of how it personally impacted them and therefore they were compelled to turn it into a film.

I was also stretched on another level: putting all my study of the Dutch language into practical use. This is the first kind of 'professional' type position I've had speaking Dutch! It was awesome to be working almost entirely with a Dutch community of people (ironically at an international festival) because so much of my world is with internationals both whom I work and study with, so our common language is usually English. It was very reassuring to have my manager instructing me and giving directions in Dutch and then being able to immediately respond and know what I was supposed to be doing. (Although I had my doubts at times!)... It was a good learning experience!

For all these reasons it was well worth the time... but I'm now catching up both needing to get more sleep and doing normal everyday tasks like a big pile of laundry in my closet!

paris under an umbrella: part I

2008-11-12T21:05:00.002Z

hope is...

2008-11-10T20:44:00.006Z

Hope is a such a precarious thing.

It depends on so much. It is birthed in expectation of something more. For something better. For something good. Hope requires risk. Hope requires effort. Hope often requires the experience of pain. Hope unfulfilled will leave you sick and heartbroken.

It is often conceived by the intangible imagination. It is the beginning, the very foundation and stuff that dreams are made of. And I'm afraid, it is one of the greatest of all things. For without hope, we die. Without hope we have no reason to live. Or at least life becomes meaningless, empty, dry.

I find hope in the small things. The meeting of eyes with a child who passes me by. A sweet smelling flower, although it's gone in the mere passing of hours. I find hope in a hand written letter from a far away place, and a dear friend as the sender. I find hope in a new song, telling the old expression of love, over and over again. I find hope in the rising and falling climax of a personal story. I find hope in a friend's forgiveness, when I've been stupid and blown it and can't seem to get it right.

But all these things are only glimpses of something much greater. Something that lasts, something that cannot and will not disappoint. When all else fails, when the things I've found hope in have long passed, have lost their wonder and faded into the background. When those dreams have been dashed and broken into pieces that won't repair... there is still something that will not let me down.

It's unfailing love. This is where Hope is Alive.

It's a love that gives when I cannot give back. And 'gives' is an understatement. It gives unto death and a horrible, ugly death at that. It's a love that is not dependent on me and what I do, it's a love that just is. It's waiting for me at all times. It only needs to be recognized. The Giver and Source of this love wants to be seen. This Giver will never disappoint. The Giver of hope beyond all hope is Jesus.

...Over the summer I was browsing the internet, or rather I was browsing the website of Compassion International... It didn't take long before I found the picture of child, whose name was written in the description as "Naomi from Kenya"...

You see for several years now I've wanted to go to Kenya...I've dreamed of doing some heroic thing. Maybe working with orphans. Maybe helping women start businesses through micro-loans. (These dreams are pregnant with hope and bringing hope to others!!) When I saw this picture of this 8-year-old darling with whom I share the same name, I was immediately bursting with love. Hope was in her eyes. I gave in (with not even a hint of reluctance...) and now we both share the hope of one day meeting each other. While I know I will probably fail her in some way... I at least hope to bring her more hope and point her in the direction of the Hope that is and always will be alive...

Hope lives!

the world anew

2008-11-09T21:01:00.002Z

Written on a wall in the Kröller-Müller Museum:

Edward’s journals frequently explored and tested a meditation he seldom allowed to reach print; if all the world were annihilated, he wrote...and a new world were freshly created, though it were to exist in every particular in the same manner as this world, it would not be the same. Therefore, because there is continuity, which is time, ‘it is certain with me that the world exists anew every moment; that the existence of things every moment ceases and is every moment renewed.’ The abiding assurance is that ‘we every moment see the same proof of a God as we should have seen if we had seen Him create the world at first.’

Perry Miller, Jonathan Edwards

...I find this fascinating. Just as the subject of a photograph can never be the same thing twice; You could take a picture in the exact same spot, but it will always be different. New lighting, new settings, new figures, new arrangements, new shapes and new movements...the renewal never ends. The creating never ceases.

on this day in history...

2008-11-04T22:43:00.003Z

It was strange for me to go to my home group tonight, knowing that I was the only one who had voted, as I was the only one who could vote...and I did send in my absentee ballot two weeks ago by the way. So it has already arrived and been counted. Patricia and I had our own personal election day : )

...I'm now sitting here on my couch watching the election update, flipping between the CNN and BBC channels on my TV. The first polls will not close for another 15 minutes, which happens to be midnight Amsterdam time. Meaning, the last polls Alaska time will not close until 7 AM my time! I'm not planning on staying up all night to wait for the results of election, I just wanted to get a taste of what is going on... It's so interesting to watch things unravel from this side of the ocean. Europeans are fascinated by the American political system and of course, this election in particular. While traveling to Paris, I noticed how every front page news article, every magazine cover, and posters hanging around the city were centered around our election. One magazine article I saw in a European magazine was even entitled "Who will become the next world leader?" I've even heard of parties being held for the election around the city, and being hosted by Dutch people no less. Our political system is a spectacle.

The world is watching. The world is waiting. Do we really realize as Americans how this election will have an impact on the entire world?!?

Something that boggles me is what it must feel like to be a presidential candidate during a time like this...hours from knowing whether or not the responsibility of president will be falling on your shoulders. I read this fascinating article on the super-ego of would-be presidents in the New York Times yesterday: The Mindset in the Middle of the Storm Read Here. Wow. To be that kind of person who is willing to take on the presidency, especially in a time of such uncertainty and instability. It's absolutely crazy insane (!!) and also incredibly admirable to think that there are people who have the courage to take on such an enormous task as caring for our country.

As everyone is asking, I join along ... how will this day go down in history?

hello, australia!!

2008-11-04T13:23:00.006Z

It's always fascinating for me to check out my stat counter to see who has been visiting my blog...I always wonder, who on earth could that be? out there in Canada? Brazil? Gent? Portland? Seattle? Chicago? ... and Qatar?! Who are you? what is your life like? why do you find it interesting to look into my life?? But there are always a handful of hits that I know exactly who it is...

That one arrow pointing all the way over in Australia... Arienne, I know you're out there!!! Hello! I miss you! Won't you come back to Amsterdam soon? How dare you regularly check out my blog without commenting ; )

Arienne is a dear friend of mine, a true Dutchie who has been traveling the world since May. She's made her stops in the States (including attending Francis Schaeffer's L'Abri in Massachusetts, seeing me while I was in Colorado and several stops in California) the Cook Islands, New Zealand, Australia, and finally she will end her travels in Thailand before making her way back to Amsterdam: She's so Adventurous!!... Amsterdam is not the same without her here : ( This picture was taken in Denver back in July. We had eaten breakfast at the Egg and I before I said goodbye and sent her on her way to Salt Lake City by train...sigh.

As for the rest of you...Who are you? I'd like to introduce myself, "Hello! my name is Naomi."

paris, je t'aime

2008-11-03T21:56:00.005Z

Eva and I took a little vacation adventure to Paris this weekend...while there was a lot of getting lost and having to engage in the art of turning around, we also had a lot of fun twirling around as well: whether it was underground as we walked to the metro or under the Eiffel Tower... I took an over abundance of pictures (500+!!!) in a few short days, so tune in because there is much blogging material to come!! I'm really excited to share some of them with you...including a series of shots of Paris under the umbrella, and 10 random things done under the Eiffel Tower! ...

a walk in the park

2008-10-30T12:24:00.004Z

That is a major understatement! My beautiful housemate and dear friend Patricia and I spent our Saturday afternoon spent walking through the sculpture gardens of the Kröller-Müller Museum was no ordinary walk through a park...

The Kröller-Müller Museum is famous for its large sculpture garden annex park forest, with its more than 75 acres one of the largest in Europe, with a fine collection of modern and contemporary sculptures. The garden also reflects Helene Kröller-Müller's conception of a symbiosis between art, architecture and nature.(Yet again, thank you Wikipedia!)

The Kröller-Müller Museum is in the middle of the National Park de Hoge Veluwe, the largest nature reserve in the Netherlands. Anyone living in Holland has no excuse not to visit this beautiful area! It was so magical riding the free witte fietsen through the forest. Steam was rising from the dew and leaf covered grounds, as the sun poured through the coloring trees. "It feels like we're in Narnia!" I exclaimed in delight as we would stop on the side of the bike trail to ooh and aah at the view!...

As we walked through the sculpture gardens we were inspired to form our own sculptures...

...As well as imitate the ones around us!!!

This "Floating Sculpture" was one of my favorites.

This Van Gogh piece used to be one of my favorites when I was first exposed to the world of fine art. It's always nice seeing a painting in its true form. I love looking at the paint strokes and the places where the paint is thicker to give the piece more of a life-like 3-D feel. Rather than the 2-D poster printed form our eyes are used to observing.

It was a beautiful day. I am in agreement with Helene Kröller-Müller's concept of combining art with nature and architecture. It is so inspiring and refreshing!

reading is sexy.

2008-10-21T21:50:00.003Z

Yes, that's right. Reading is sexy. This is the new motto for my local public library. Since when did it become so cool to be hanging out at a library? Is it our culture's high value of the intellect? The value of knowing? In our age of information overload, where all knowledge can be accessed by the stroking of the keys (and of course, the geniuses who invented google)...

Anyway, my point is that I went to the library today to get away from the house and have a 'quieter' environment to work in...I love the environment of our new library...it's so modern looking (kind of like being in a huge Macbook), but I think the best part is that it has some of the best views of the city. Seven stories high and lots of big windows allow for magical viewings of incoming weather and a city all lit up at night. It's only a little over one year old, but it's already being used to the maximum. The library was so full today, I could barely find one computer to work at on all 7 floors! Every seat was taken, and if it wasn't taken, the computer was out of order. Not only that, every desk space seemed to be in use...I don't think i've seen it quite this full before. Perhaps the library has become a place to see and be seen...

But the strangest of my experiences today was an interaction with a random man who sat across from me as I was eating my lunch... Without any presumption of being an interruption, he started asking me what I was reading, and why people would want to read anything like that..."is it just to keep ourselves distracted from the suffering of our world?" He proceeded to talk for half-an-hour about the insecurities of our world today and how all the banks have all the power now, while people around the world are slaves to the system and the powers that be... and here we are sitting in a "shiny plastic library"... to give ourselves the feeling that everything is okay with the world.

It was so bizarre listening to him talk. I felt like I was having one of my weird dreams... A part of me wanted to just ignore him and shrug him off as being crazy...and then another part of me really wanted to listen and hear him out, and really, I could understand why he would feels the way that he does. We are living in such an insecure time. We can't put our hope in the world around us. And it is true that we have so many distractions as Westerners, to make us feel safe and cozy, as if all is well... while so much of the world is left poor, hungry, and suffering.

As the conversation continued, I became aware of the fact that this man is probably homeless. From outward appearance, I wouldn't have guessed... until I saw that He had a small tent, packed away in a bag that he was carrying around with him... and as I tried to break away from the conversation by telling him that I needed to go soon, he was quick to take his cue to ask if I would be willing to spare a couple euro for something more to eat. It's always hard to know how to respond to this...

I'm still not sure that I've fully processed this interaction. I guess more than anything, it woke me up to the fact that I too often surround myself with distractions and put myself in the 'shiny plastic library' environment so that I feel safe and happy and "look at me! I'm sexy and cool cuz I read too!"... when there is a world of people who need to be fed... and who need me to give of my time and love. The question is, am I willing to open myself up more to that hard reality?

from above

2008-10-20T21:09:00.002Z

my rooftop perspective.

october showers

2008-10-18T18:36:00.003Z

Growing up in Colorado, where the air is dry and rain is rare, I used to love rainy days. I would purposefully choose to go outside in the rain so I could splash around in the puddles... and of course, while singing "Singing in the Rain!" I remember taking my pink bicycle out, purely for the joy of riding in the rain and getting myself all wet and chilled, so that I would have to take a warm bath to recover...

... Sometimes I wonder if God would look down on me in those moments and laugh, knowing what was coming for me in the future: living in Holland where rainfall abounds. Rainfall and rides in the rain that chill to the bone. I try to remind myself of those moments when I used to find such sheer delight in getting wet, raindrops falling softly on my cheeks and nose and lips. Although it's become something ordinary, an everyday occurrence (or maybe it's more accurately an every-other-day sort of thing), there can still be beauty in those moments that have now become the subject of much complaining. Really, rain is quite a beautiful thing. It's a watering of the earth. It brings nourishment. It brings life: making all things green. I will try to remind myself of this again and again, especially as the fall turns into winter and the days become shorter and darker and colder... rain does not help in this mix!

In other news this week, (as according to Patricia and myself, blogs are like our very own personal New York Times update for family and friends to see all the latest happenings!...) I had my first attempt at making a berry pie with a homemade butter crust: complete with a latticed top, in honor of Eva's birthday! I owe my pie baking skills to my Grandpa Triggs who was a cook in the army while being stationed in Germany. His specialty was baking pies! (Although I've never been formerly trained by him, I'm assuming I've benefitted purely by osmosis and eating the product of his work!) Fortunately for this time, there were no mishaps of pie falling to the ground, or catching it between my knees on the way down : )

dutch word of the day

2008-10-09T20:03:00.003Z

(titled: lichtpunt)

I thought it might be fun if I randomly posted about Dutch words that I'm learning. My non-Dutch speaking readers might find it interesting to learn a foreign word they can use to sound really smart... and my Dutch readers will probably find it amusing to see what I find interesting about their language. All in all, it's a win-win situation! Or maybe I'm just being a nerd? Yes, I admit that even a simple word can spark my imagination! So, with that being said... the Dutch word of the day is:

Voorlichten

(to inform)

However, the reason why I really like this word is because I literally translate it more as "to bring light before" something. Voor is before or for and licht means light...I imagine a lamp lighting a path, letting the traveller know which way to turn next...I find it much more beautiful than saying "inform". Language is fascinating to me! The origin of words... who started using it first?!

the formerly non-existent comes into existence.

2008-10-08T19:47:00.004Z

I cannot even begin to describe the things that I saw and experienced today. The sights, smells, stories...everything came as quite a surprise. I never imagined that my coming to Holland would include days like this one. (Maybe this is a bit of a dramatic beginning...but this is really how I feel right now!)

First of all, this morning during my Dutch class, I was learning Dutch words that I didn't even know the translation for in English! I never imagined myself to get to a level of studying a language where I wouldn't even realize that the English equivalent existed. Has anyone ever heard of the word or used the word EXTRADITION before?! I had people in my class answering my teacher for me when she asked "Wat is het Engelse woord voor uitlevering?" I am the the only one in my class who is supposed to know the answer to those questions. Everyone turns their heads in my direction and expects me to be the talking English dictionary...It's such a weird feeling.

But it was after class, when the true adventure began...I went with four of my fellow classmates to celebrate the 50+ birthday of a Turkmen. Ok, I will be very surprised (and very, very impressed!) if anyone reading this blog has actually heard of the country Turkmenistan. Upon arriving at his house, we almost immediately started asking questions about his country. All of us were clueless. And get this, we all came from different sides of the globe: One grew up in Venice, Italy, another was born in Argentina (with a Yugoslavian mother and Austrian father, no less...), Algeria, Indonesia, and of course, little me from the U.S. of A.

Ok, first some random facts about Turkmenistan. It was a part of the former Soviet Union, and so it has really only been recognized as a country since 1991. It is small. About 5 million people. Only in the last 2 years did the dictator, deemed "President for Life" pass away!!! Human rights are not regarded as we know them to be...According to the 2007 Reporters Without Borders World Press Freedom Index, Turkmenistan had the third-worst restrictions on the freedom of the press in the world. All of this is entirely news to me...and I now am celebrating the birthday of a man whose life was born into a land only recently non-existent in my world. (A world that is expanding, yet ever so small...) I'm so humbled to imagine what it would be like to grow up in a country like this. I imagine it to be like in the film The Story of the Weeping Camel: deserts, camels, nomadic...a beautiful mix between Russian, Middle-Eastern, and Asian cultures.

I think what was so extraordinary about this day was coming together with 5 people from different parts of the world, truly enjoying one another's company and being able to communicate in one language. However raw and incorrect our Dutch came out, we could still understand one another.We all began the afternoon saying we would only stay for 1 hour. Everyone ended up staying for 5+ hours! The Rice Pilaf, Turkish coffee, Russian candies... we were suckered into staying! And we celebrated the life of a man that has faced so much hardship. I wish I could tell his story in detail and post more pictures from this day, but I don't want anyone to be extradited (notice my use of new vocabulary!) The short of it is that he is seeking political asylum here in Amsterdam. His life as he once knew it: his culture, customs, family, friends, education, work... everything is gone. He has to start over completely. At 50! Can you imagine?!

This is something I would love to expand upon one day. The lives of the many foreigners I come across whose former lives are lost through immigration. Their customs, language, family, their way of living and being... ultimately, it is a loss of identity. It saddens me and my heart goes out to these people. In part, because I can also relate to them.

All I can say to end this post... What a crazy day.

breaking boundaries while breaking the fast

2008-10-06T20:02:00.004Z

I had my second opportunity to serve during an Iftar meal, in a neighborhood community center, about a ten minute bike from where I live. Iftar (Arabic: إفطار), refers to the evening meal for breaking the daily fast during the Islamic month of Ramadan. Iftar during Ramadan is often done as a community, with Muslims gathering to break their fast together. Iftar is done right after Maghrib (sunset) time. Traditionally, a date is the first thing to be consumed during Iftar when the fast is broken. (Thank you, Wikipedia!)

There is something about doing this that I absolutely love... working alongside a group of people that I would never normally rub shoulders with, serving them their dinner, a dinner with food I would never make for myself (only because I don't traditionally combine these foods or know the recipes, but it is super yummy!!). It is such a gift to be able to share in the customs and cultures of others from different parts of the world. This particular evening was a meal shared by people who represented the neighborhood well: both Muslim and Christian, young and old, Dutch and Moroccan and Surinamese...and who knows how many cultures were represented at these tables?! It was beautiful to see everyone coming together to share in a meal. There is something so sweet about sitting together to eat food with one another: delighting in the tastes simultaneously, sharing conversation, sharing hearts.

In between setting out plates, cutting lemons, and carry bowls of soup to the tables, I had the opportunity to pull out my camera, which, as a pleasant surprise, was warmly welcomed by those around me. Everyone was more than happy to oblige to my asking if I could take their picture. It seemed as though they were honored that I would want to capture them on my camera...they rarely smiled for the posing of pictures themselves, but their faces broke into bright signs of delight when I would exclaim "echt mooi!" to assure them that I thought their photo turned out beautifully.

Everyone made sure to inform me that the woman in this picture below was to be honored as the oldest in the room: 95-years-old! People were praising her in her accomplishment of living!

These are a few of the people that I worked with to prepare the meal and the tables. The women came from Suriname: they have known each other and lived together in the same neighborhood for years. The man to the far right was the head chef, originally from Morocco. He was very serious about making sure that everyone had enough food to eat. They were all a delight to work with!

Even the neighborhood police came by (to make an arrest!)...this picture almost gives the feeling of The Andy Griffith Show from the 1950's!:

This community center had a feeling of "home"...people stayed to the very end as we were clearing the tables and finishing up the last of the cleaning. This man in particular was determined to stick around until his crossword puzzle was complete.

I hope to continue to find ways of expanding my boundaries. Entering into worlds unlike my own...
It is a beautiful experience.

a saturday in september.

2008-09-26T14:30:00.002Z

i love taking the train. this is something i don't have opportunity to do very often. this is how the best adventures always begin!
we spent the first part of our saturday picnicking by the side of a canal. something unique to Utrecht are the deep set canals. it's so lovely to sit 'below' the city and observe the Venetian gondolas passing by!

an important element of any day off is enjoying a good cappuccino in a cafe with a gezellige sfeer no less.

we wandered through the streets as the sun was setting its golden tones, perfectly depicting and closing off a lovely fall day. i went crazy with taking pictures so that i could learn how to use my new lens. i had fun experimenting and realizing its capabilities.

speaking of "perfect", this looks like the perfect setting for a very romantic date : )

we ended our day at the Tivoli, listening to the Bowerbirds, all the way from North Carolina. It's always fun discovering American bands while living in europe. i love their unique sound. (i mean the girl plays the accordian, so of course i'm gonna love it!) they are currently getting the most frequent play while i'm doing the dishes or working from home.

now you've shared in our September Saturday. Check out my flickr site for more photos!

randomnicity

2008-09-22T20:02:00.002Z

I'm finally blogging in response to Marco's "tagging" me on his blog two weeks ago. My excuse is that my life is too full and too good to spend weekends and evenings behind the computer...but all the same, I would like to be blogging more. so here goes...

The rules of the game are...

1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Write 6 random things about yourself
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post
4. If you're tagged, DO IT and pass on the tag

So here are the six random things about me:

1. In contrast to what Eric wrote on his blog about never remembering his dreams, I almost always remember my dreams. They are always quite amusing, vivid, real, and yet very strange and random. Sometimes my alarm wakes me up in the middle of a dream, and my first thought upon waking is that I want to go back to sleep so I can finish my dream: the story is not yet complete. But once you're awake, there's no going back! I can never enter into the same story. I even have dreams about people whose blogs I read, whom I've never actually met in person!

2. I had a very satisfying meal tonight. Ethiopian galore. One of those rare meals where you feel like your appetite is actually being satiated by all the flavors and sensations melting in your mouth. It's also quite a wonderful experience to eat everything with your hands. And not to mention the good company!: Claire and her parents, and Patricia : ) It was a beautiful evening.

3. To take from what Marco wrote about breaking bones, I've had one bone-breaking experience. When I was only three-years-old I was running to the swing set (I remember it quite vividly...) with my best friend, Krista. At the time it seemed like we were running down a huge hill (but in reality it's only a slight decline in elevation!). I ended up tripping and falling and somehow during the course of my fall, my arm got twisted in the wrong way and broke. I loved swimming in my little kiddie pool at that age, and so I have a lot of pictures with a cast around my arm while I'm wearing my little Kermit the frog bathing suit. I had to wear a sling, which I remember had Snoopy the dog on it, so that I wouldn't get my cast wet in the pool!

4. I secretly wish I could play the accordion. My absolute favorite soundtracks of all time, is the music to the movie Amelie. There's plenty of pretty accordion music on this soundtrack to bring me into a state of dreaming. Several years back, long before moving to Amsterdam, the sound of the accordion always made me think of Europe. The romantic, idealized, beautiful-old-world-style that you can only find and experience when you come to "Europe". (me, in my very American state of mind!) There are still moments upon hearing the accordion where I go back to that frame of thinking and perception of romance which being in Europe for the first time once gave me. It reminds me of how special it is to live here. Last weekend I saw a band called the Bowerbirds perform in Utrecht. They were AMAZING. The girl played accordion. She rocked!

5. I am writing this past my bedtime. I am naturally a night owl, but I have now given myself a 'bedtime' of 11:00 PM, in effort to bring more rhythm and regularity into my life. It has now been two weeks that I have consistently gone to bed about 11ish and woken up at 8:00 AM. This may not seem to be much of a victory for most adults walking the earth...but it is a huge accomplishment in my life where I have to do most of the boundary setting for my job and everyday living...So I better get a move on and get myself to bed!

6. I used to be involved in an 'after school activity' called Color Guard. This is where a bunch of girls run and dance around in ugly uniforms while tossing, twirling and spinning flags and rifles in the air as a 100 person band is marching and making music around them. It was quite a big deal at the time. Almost like being in the army. We had drills, warm-ups, 3 hour long practices 3 times a week after 7 hours of school. And before state competition we would practice two weeks straight every weekday, and all day on Saturdays. It was rough. Especially getting hit over and over by rifles and flags as you tossed them in the air and were just slightly off in your throwing or catching. I used to get weekly bruises and bumps on my arms and head! However, we were GOOD! We won our State Championships for our school's 5A league (which is a big deal in the American High School system!). I have the medals to prove it : )

I'm tagging:

1. Jenni Lafferty
2. Ross McDermott
3. Sander Chan
4. Eva Ellingsworth
5. Shalom Sanchez
6. Stephen Gordon

just a moment

2008-08-11T22:09:00.002+01:00

the bean cycle, fort collins, colorado.

i think one of the many reasons why i love photography is because it captures a moment in time that can never be repeated. i think we have an obsession with freezing time because life goes by so fast. it helps to fill the eternal longings within.

my summer feels like it has been sucked into a black hole. where did it go? all the things i had hoped to use my time for...and well, things rarely go according to plan. and one of those things is this blog.

photography 101

2008-04-25T14:37:00.003Z

For the past two months, I've had the opportunity to take my first photography class since high school. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time, and I finally took action! I'd like to share some of the projects that we worked on this blog--hopefully posting a new project each week. This is a good opportunity and excuse for me to start blogging again, and a way to keep myself active with photography, even though the class is over. I've already been inspired with ideas for new projects to work on...hopefully I'll follow through with them and share them in the weeks to come!

I was picking my teacher's brain the last week of class, asking her how she got to where she is today as a professional. It all started for her, twenty years ago, by simply doing it. Being active and hands on. It wasn't until she started experimenting that she really started understanding the art of photography. That is my hope too. And I've definitely learned so much already in the last 6 weeks. My photographic horizon's have been broadened! I know and understand my camera so much better...I'm finally beginning to grasp the ever elusive science, the innerworkings of aperture and shutter speed (among other things). ...I've really enjoyed it! I hope you enjoy it too as I share these photos with you...

Project #1

1. The place where you live.
(Discover your camera)

Take different pictures at different times of day, in different light. Take them from different positions--distant, close-up, from beneath and from above. What are the things you like, or dislike, what is meaningful and worth remembering? When there is little light use a tripod, or place your camera in a steady position and use the self-timer. Of course you can take a picture of yourself and your companions...

There are a few more I could post...but I'll stop there. You can go to my flickr site to view the others. This was a perfect first project to get the wheels in my head turning. How do I capture something that is so familiar to me in a fresh and new way? My own home, what I see every day...I decided to start capturing images of things that are in my home, but also images of things that actively take place in my home every day. My housemates and myself in the active state of 'living' in our home. Those menial tasks that we do all the time, like washing our hands, but we would never think to take a picture of it. These moments, the simple things of daily life, whether it's standing in front of the mirror of the bathroom or cooking or ... you get the idea.

which one is your favorite and why?

new beginnings

2008-04-24T23:33:00.003Z

still learning to laugh

2007-08-19T20:22:00.000Z

five years ago today.

i was on the brink of major life change. i flew to Amsterdam with no return ticket.

it's funny the things that stand out to me about that day. i remember that i was wearing extremely uncomfortable shoes (but i thought they were more fashionably acceptable by Amsterdam standards.) i remember after having arrived at Schiphol airport, that we went to the Food Market to find some staple grocery items (in case we weren't able to find our neighborhood grocery store.) i didn't realize at the checkout that they weren't going to bag my grocery items--until it was already too late and i had failed to buy a plastic bag to carry them in. i felt so foolish afterwards, carrying my items in my hands--but it was after this first encounter with culture shock that i received the best advice that anyone could have given me in that moment. "Learn to laugh at yourself, because you're going to need to do it A LOT."

...

i don't think i would have believed it if someone had told me that i would still be here 5 years later. it's strange to think that one fifth of my life has been spent living (or working towards living) in the Netherlands. and what do i have to show for myself? i can't say that i have the language down yet (this is especially an area that i need to learn to not take myself so seriously!), i can't say that i've seen any hugely obvious or major life transformations because of my influence in other's lives...but i guess i can say that i've persevered in this journey of faith. i've faced many challenges and trials that i never would have imagined for myself, but i walked through it and came out with a deeper sense of Unfailing Love. i've gotten the chance to see a few places i would have never dreamed i would have a chance to see and experience. but more than anything i think i would say that i've met and become friends with some of the most beautiful and inspiring people. i can forget this sometimes. the day in, day out interaction can dull my ability to see what beauty i have around me.

but looking back over the last 5 years--that is what i would say would be worth every bit of struggle and awkwardness that comes with living as a stranger in a land thousands of miles from what i once knew to be 'home'. the people.

my first day of school.

2007-03-06T20:23:00.000Z

Lees het gedicht.

ik
wil alleen
maar weten
wie ik ben.

how appropriate. i read these words on the first page of the first lesson, during my first day of class. "i just want to know who i am." it feels as though i'm on the verge of transformation. of discovering a new side of myself. i've been crawling around on my hands and knees and i'm about ready to break free of my cocoon.

learning a new language is like going through childhood all over again. i feel as though i've been listening to my parents for three years, and i'm finally ready to utter back full sentences. i'm finally going to primary school...i have my spelling tests (my favorite part of the day!). i write stories about who i want to be when i grow up. i get to play fun computer games. and i'm making new friends!

there's the class clown who cracks jokes at every opportunity he can, there are the goody two-shoes who know all the answers, there are the slow students who take exams over and over and never quite catch up...do we ever grow out of these roles no matter how old we become?

one of my new friends is from China. his name is Atuo. he is the most motivated person i have ever met. he is so anxious to learn dutch. he only works one day of the week. and on the other days? he's studying dutch. mornings, afternoons, evenings...he says the only time he breaks is to eat and sleep! even our teacher was encouraging him to take it easy--we all need time to learn a new language! even despite his over enthusiasm, i'm thankful to have him with me. he really wants to help me to understand and i enjoy his company. and boy can he talk!

i learned some new things about Chinese culture today. he says that chinese people eat while they talk. it's ongezellig to be quiet while you're eating. he really had no problems eating and talking at the same time. (but really he did more talking than actual eating!) if you want more than one child you have to pay a lot of money to the government to keep each additional child. he left his home to go to school. ever since he first went to primary school, he moved into his school with all the other classmates. he would only go "home" on the weekends. he seems to care a lot about the economy and whether it's doing well or not. he says that knowledge is the most important thing. knowledge is China's religion.

the most beautiful part of my day was overhearing our teacher read through Atuo's story that he wrote, using all of our new vocabulary of course. he wrote about how he was so thankful to meet me on his first day. he hopes that one day he can have a job like mine, doing something meaningful...i don't know why, but it brought such joy to my heart to hear this! it's like i was given a best friend charm to wear on my necklace: one of the highest honors a girl can receive!

at one point during our koffie pauze my new friend was going off about how he sometimes doesn't understand why he's doing everything to learn dutch. it's such a small country and so many dutch people already speak english ... even some dutch people look at me incredulously when i tell them i'm learning their language. some may think, "why bother"? but i am determined to put my whole heart into learning this language. why now? there is a huge part of me that is just feeling more at home here in amsterdam, and i am simply desiring to communicate more deeply with my Dutch friends in their mother tongue. but i also feel that i am here for "such a time as this." i don't know what all that means, or even how long my time here will last. but even more than that i'm tired of doing things half-heartedly. i want to be fully engaged with my present reality.

but today i discovered that dutch holds a key to forgotten corners of the world. a door to a people whom english has ignored. today i was able to communicate with someone from the other side of the planet. what, or who will come next? someone from Turkey, Morocco, Croatia?

i never thought i would be so glad about going to school again.
i'm like a giddy school girl!

the art of redeeming.

2007-02-25T23:04:00.000Z

the beach + friends = making the most of february's cold day.

oud/nieuw

2007-01-02T17:53:00.000Z

Happy New Year!
(the aftermath of new year's on streets throughout Amsterdam)

a lot has gone on in recent weeks, a trip to Colorado to visit family and friends for Christmas and the beginning of a new year, with a couple unfortunate happenings in the start of my transition back into Amsterdam life. For one thing, i lost my mobile phone. it's amazing how dependent we are on these things! it really makes getting in touch with people a lot more difficult (for instance, i don't have any phone numbers...but life does feel a bit simpler and quieter without it!) And, can you tell what's wrong with the following picture?:
well, it's probably pretty obvious. i was riding home from a friend's house at 2 am a couple days ago, and my chain just randomly came off it's track. if it had happened during the day i wouldn't have minded so much, but walking home for twenty minutes in the city so late, without a phone, and in the rain and wind, was not the most pleasant of experiences! (maybe some of you are looking at this and wondering: 'naomi, why didn't you just fix it?'...well, i still have some learning to do in the area of bike repairs.)

all in all, i'm glad to be 'home' in Amsterdam. overall i enjoyed my time in Colorado, but it just doesn't feel like home to me anymore. it was a strange feeling. what is the definition of home anyway? according to Jurren, "home is a choice." like they say "home is where the heart is" and so according to Jurren's theory, you choose where your heart is at. and i think i pretty much agree with that. i think i've really chosen in the last year to make Amsterdam my new home. but anyway, here are some pictures from my time:
we got 37 inches (close to 90cm) of snow! it was the 4th biggest blizzard Colorado has gotten in years...we were literally stuck at our house for a couple of days. the strange looking object you see on the right hand side, is our barbecue grill buried in the snow!
my grandpa bowls regularly as he is on a bowling league, he has his own shoes and ball! so whenever he comes into town we go bowling as a family.

my brother Paul has got the professional form down...he's way better than me!
my aunt is so creative with Christmas: she actually pre-opened a bunch of walnuts, folded up money, put it inside, and super glued them back together! i had to crack all these nuts to find her gift of money inside!

my brothers are modeling the new scarfs that i gave them for Christmas. my brother Jeremy (on the left) had made a comment earlier in the week that "guys don't wear scarves!" to which i told him that he should be careful what he says-and that guys do wear scarves if they're really cool : ) he kinda realized in that moment that maybe i was giving him a scarf for Christmas. so each time he received a gift from me, he would say "just disregard what i said earlier," as a disclaimer before opening the package! i think he did end up liking it--especially since it came all the way from Scotland!

me and my good looking 'little' brothers. they're growing up so fast. sniff, sniff...

my friend arienne and i hosted a new year's eve party at my house, and it was such a great evening! we had so much fun dancing the night away...the rain stopped just in time for the beautiful fireworks display from the roof terrace...

a few people were still hanging out in the hallway at 3:45 in the morning...people were just so reluctant to bring the party to an end...

...so in the end, we had an "after party" and did all the cleaning at 4 in the morning! Sonja mopped while Simon and i were the 'drying brigade' following her around the room...it was a spectacular night!

here's to 2007!

the thanksgiving dinner that won't be forgotten...

2006-11-26T19:28:00.000Z

i was thinking up all these really creative ways of telling you this story...but after all of my brainstorming, i've decided to just tell it straight. just the way it happened...

i didn't think i would have the chance to experience thanksgiving this year. in Holland there is no progression of fall holidays leading up to Christmas like we have in America. i definitely don't mind missing Halloween, but there is something about Thanksgiving that i truly love.i was excited when my housemate Patricia decided only a few days previous to host a dinner at our house and invite 10 people over! And it is no small feat hosting a dinner like this in Holland. for one thing, ovens are in shortage here (we used our friend's a five minute walk from our house) ...but it is particularly challenging because turkey is not a very common thing to eat here. luckily, without having pre-ordered, Trish got the last 5 kilo turkey at the Albert Cuyp Market. i was assigned the pumpkin pies this time--it was my chance to make up for the last (and only) time i had tried making pumpkin pie. my friend and i attempted 3 years ago and had substituted evaporated milk with half and half. bad mistake! i was determined to make a good pumpkin pie, homemade crust and all!!

i was off to a good start. the directions for the crust were not incredibly clear, especially the bit where it said something about "cutting the butter into the mixture..."but i still managed to roll out a nice looking crust! the feel of flour all over my hands and using the rolling pin was making me nostalgic. it brought back memories of making Christmas cookies with my mom way back in my younger days...sigh. after nearly two hours of tender love and care, these pies were ready for the oven! Linda even gave me a great tip on how to make those nice little ridges on the outer edge of the crust...(sorry but i won't divulge these baking secrets on the internet!) fast forward to the next day.
amazingly everything went quite smoothly in the cooking preparations for the big meal. everyone was quite calm and collected. we had americans, dutch, irish, and of course our one british friend (who seems to be showing up and calling our house an awful lot! i mean that in a really good way, Sam!--pictured below)
it was fun trying to explain what Thanksgiving means to Americans...eating, watching American football, taking naps, and more eating. it's that simple, and yet it is more complex and beautiful. sharing and relaxing with your family and others that you care about. but i have to say, that this was probably the most gezellig thanksgiving i've ever experienced.

ok, so i'm now getting to the climax of the story! after stuffing ourselves with as much food as possible...it was still time for dessert. the moment had finally come for me to display my work of art.
it turned out beautifully--browned to perfection!
i started to cut the pie on our kitchen counter top. my crust--the crust that i had so lovingly rolled--was giving me some difficulty. i had divided the pie into nicely even pieces, but when it came time to dishing the pie onto plates i couldn't pull the pieces loose from the pan...it hadn't been fully cut through, so i needed to go back in with my knife...i was pushing harder and harder...and suddenly the pie plate slipped from under my hands...and slid off of the counter top and down to the floor!!

i immediately reacted and tried to save it by catching it with my legs on its way down. before i knew it i was holding pumpkin pie between my knees, and the rest was on the floor. the entire dinner table was turned around looking at me with their eyes wide and their jaws dropped--i started laughing it off--but everyone else seemed quite concerned for me. trish (super dog!) immediately whisked into action and started rescuing the pie, salvaging what she could and wiping the rest off the floor with a napkin. i was still standing there, partly in shock and partly because i couldn't stop laughing! i couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't laughing as hard as i was. a couple people even came up and asked me if i was okay and offering to still eat the pie even though it had fallen onto the floor...i quickly assured them that i wasn't angry or sad or upset, but that i thought it was quite funny (admittedly a bit embarrassing, but hilarious that i had just pushed our dessert onto the floor!)
the last surviving pieces of the pie disaster!
this story will certainly go down in history. i try to get away from my reputation as being clumsy, but really in the end, i enjoy laughing at myself and having a good story to share. oh and by the way, everyone still got a piece of pie in the end. fortunately we still had the entire other pie waiting for us, untouched. i let Trish cut it this time...

it was quite delicious. (so much, that we still ended up eating the pieces of pie that fell to the ground!)

at one point in our conversation as we enjoyed our pie, Mark was trying to get in on the Thanksgiving spirit and make a joke about the band Smashing Pumpkins. Claire immediatly turned to me and could hardly speak it out because she was already laughing..."Naomi, you could join them!"

the end.

super sufjan saturday!

2006-11-15T17:59:00.000Z

Sufjan Stevens performed at the Paradiso here in Amsterdam last Saturday. it was quite possibly the most amazing musical performance i've ever been to...blow up supermans and santas being tossed into the crowd, full costumes, great stories being shared, beautiful 8mm video footage in the background, and of course it goes without even mentioning how beautiful the music is live--and almost all of the songs were performed in new arrangements! i just had to share a piece of the show with you!! the following video clips are actual footage that i took with my little canon camera during the show--not the most ideal quality but it does give you a feel for what it was like! enjoy!

Casimir Pulaski Day
(Full performance of Sufjan as the great eagle and his butterfly band!)

John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (the acoustic set.)

beauty to share

2006-11-14T22:44:00.000Z

it's finally time that i get around to sharing a bit of my life with you.
i went to Scotland 3 weeks ago for a wedding, and i took over 600 pictures in 5 days! (a bit ridiculous, i know.) well i've widdled my selection down to about 40 photos for your viewing pleasure. just click here.

while i was walking on the beach one morning in the tiny town of Laide (on the upper northwest coast of Scotland...) someone insightfully mentioned how our hearts need beauty. our hearts need A LOT of beauty, actually. something really clicked inside of me when he said that. going to Scotland was so refreshing for me, mostly because i had the opportunity to spend so much time in nature. i was breathing fresh air again. i could easily connect to God, because i could so readily gaze upon so much beauty before me: in the Highlands, in the Sunsets over the sea, in the waves crashing against the cliffs...my heart was stirred. it really makes sense that our hearts need beauty. i mean, if you think about it--God invented the idea of beauty. in fact, He is the most beautiful one to ever exist. no wonder we need so much beauty. our infinitly deep hearts, need an infinite source of beauty. our hearts are constantly starving for beauty in this world...perhaps this is why there are continually new forms and works of art being created?

and now, three weeks later i'm back in the thick of urban life in busy amsterdam. there is beauty here too. but the concrete and brick and noise can easily crowd it out. i must look deeper...to the coloring trees, the patterns of ripples in the canals' water, in the ever changing cloud forms...in the love found between people. but ultimately my heart's cry for beauty can only be found in the Beautiful One.

will she ever blog again?

2006-10-04T22:18:00.000Z

things are not what they seem.

2006-05-09T21:44:00.000Z

if you go to the website, www.blijburg.nl, you can't help but be carried away to a dream world. as you browse through photos of this seeming vacation destination, you can hear the calming ocean waves and singing seagulls in the background. everything about this website makes this beach seem quite appealing. a holiday at the sea only a 15 minute tram ride from the heart of the city! can this be true?! i have to admit, i had high hopes of this little excursion--something to take me away from doing what i always do in Amsterdam...

patricia and i stepped off the tram, and we immediately noticed a plethora of stone and concrete surrounding us...what the website claimed to be a "3 minute walk" turned into a 15 minute walk. everything was a construction zone. multiple cranes jetted up into the sky, piles of dirt and brick salted our path as we continued toward the "beach." we couldn't quite reach the waters' edge, as the sand was surrounded by tall wire fencing. we had to laugh..."this is Blijburg aan zee?" roughly translated as happyland at the sea. what was even more hilarious was the sign that welcomed us to this "fabulous" happyland-as you see above. But as you enter in, you see ever more clearly how incredibly deceiving the website really is. it felt like we were stepping into the back end of an old beaten down trailer park. porto-potties lined the hill, and everything considered "beach" was downwind. i don't know if you will believe what i saw next as we settled onto our beach blanket.

I learned a new Dutch word: Drijfzand. Can you take a guess from the look of the the sign? Quicksand. Yes, it's real. They discovered quicksand on the beach, only the day before when someone had fallen in! i couldn't believe it!

we still made the most of our time. we tossed the frisbee around, breaking out into random dance to the pumping music coming from the outdoor cafe, and we took a break to watch the sunset over the skyline of cranes. it was a strange night. there were moments of feeling like i was transported into some kind of fairy tale like the "princess bride" (my only reference to quicksand)... or as if i was back in Colorado at the edge of a reservation camp (i don't think there is a tepee in any other place in Holland!)...but there were also moments of feeling like i was in the middle east, meddling in a war torn land. maybe that's being a bit dramatic--but it did cross my mind!

whoever designed Blijburg certainly has quite the vision. and maybe one day it will be up to standards. but sometimes i wonder if this facade of a holiday getaway isn't a metaphor for the way a lot of things work in this world. on the outside, the appearance of things is so much greater, is so much happier than actual reality. it's something i've been pondering lately. so, if you were wondering whether or not you should visit Blijburg aan zee... well. now you know the truth.

to my dad on his 49th birthday.

2006-03-01T22:56:00.000Z

i consider myself pretty lucky.
i have a very very special person in my life.

someone who used to check the entire house so that i would be assured that there weren't any "bad guys" around. someone who would sing me songs when i was afraid of the lightning and thunder. he would help me with the difficult math equations. he would tuck me in at night after reading from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe...and check on me after awaking from a bad dream. he would go to my basketball games and my dance recitals. my winterguard competitions and my choir concerts...

i cannot tell you, how many countless mornings he has been my alarm. knocking on my door to make sure i was awake on time. oh and then there's the countless upon countless other times when he has patiently waited on me to finish getting ready. he'll just sit with the car running, as i grab my breakfast before leaving for the day.

but then there's more important things. like his faithfulness. his faithfulness to go to work every day. day in, day out. commuting two hours of his day, providing for everyone in my family. and he's generous too. he doesn't work every day to build up a fortune. he works to give his money away. i really am hard pressed to think of ways that my dad spends money on himself. (except for maybe a game of golf twice a year.)

i have many stories of how his advice guided me in the right direction. i would come to him in tears, over confusion, indecision, or heartbreak...and he would always have a verse to share with me. something to quiet my soul. something to think through. something to pray for. and ultimately, truth to help me in making my decisions.

and he's faithful to love. he loves my mom. through thick and thin, his love for her has always been. i've never questioned his love. i've just always known it to be there.

no, he's not perfect. sometimes i get embarrassed by him. i've rolled my eyes, hundreds of times. he's raised his voice (really high and deep). gotten angry. (especially when i was learning how to use a manuel stick shift in his car!) he's goofy. he comes up with silly tunes. or makes up his own lyrics to already famous music. (i actually really love that!) he stands right exactly in the living room where you cannot see the TV anymore. he snores loudly... (i'll spare my dad, and not go on any further!)

but one thing i know, he's humble. he is still changing. he loves the Word and he loves God. he is soft-hearted. he is open to correction. i can tell him my opinions, and know that he will listen respectfully. (and then gently give his thoughts...of which i am always then humbled.)

he even goes with me to tea and chocolate tasting parties! (and this was even two days before leaving for Amsterdam!)

i really love this man. he has really shaped me into the person i am today. i am really really lucky. i know that no dad can show an accurate picture of what our Father in heaven is like. but this verse has always rung true:

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9-11

as i write this, i keep thinking of more and more that i could add! but i think i should stop. i think you get the point. i have a good father.

i love you, dad. happy birthday.

(recomposing myself) Ok, getting back to more serious matters.

2006-01-30T22:31:00.001Z

[first, i must take a small detour...and then i will get to writing about what i really want to write about] sometimes i have inner battles about what is ok and not ok to post on my blog. first of all i don't really have a focus for my blog...so, sometimes i feel like i post a bit aimlessly. second, i have a dilemna that i face every time i go to post something--knowing that anyone in the entire world can read what i write down. i question things like: is this too personal? am i just promoting myself by posting this? is this glorifying to God? how can i use my blog for good?

maybe i'm taking things a bit too seriously. as arienne pointed out to me, it's not my responsibility to make sure to monitor other people's internet usage and time spent blog reading. really, no one is forced to read what i post. so i shouldn't put so much pressure on myself to post something so dramatically insightful or life-changing!

[ok, so recomposing myself once more...and back to the beginning.]

after watching the movie Maria Full of Grace with a friend about a week ago, we listened to a teaching by JR Woodward. First of all, i would highly suggest seeing this movie--but only if your stomach can handle it. i literally felt sick watching this film. Maria, the main character is a drug mule, just to give a little insight as to why i was left feeling so ill.

but, what i am really wanting to write about, is a quote that i heard in the teaching (which was focused on the movie, Maria Full of Grace.) It's a quote by the late great C.S. Lewis:

"Good and evil both increase at compound interests. That is why the little decisions that you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which a few months later you may be able to go on to victories you've never dreamed of."

wow. read it again. and then again.

that is intense. the smallest good act! to think that years and years from now...the little decisions that i make for good rather than evil, could dramatically impact my life and other's lives--for infinity and beyond! i really love that quote. i want to live by this quote.

[just some food for thought.]

i'm back. (finally!) i dedicate this entry to Eric, Ross, Saunder, Rebecca and Sonja. (i promise, i'll try to write more!)

2006-01-24T23:29:00.000Z

so i've been back for 50 days.

only 50 days. i feel like i've been here all along. like i never even left. as though Colorado is just something i dream about in my sleep. strange how crossing an ocean does that to you. makes you feel like you're living another life.

so, where do i begin? in some ways, i really don't know where to begin. i haven't blogged since October. how does someone jump back into this after being out of it for four months? four months filled of living different lives. i lived part of a life in Salt Lake City...and then back in Colorado. Oh, and even in Colorado, i led many different lives. there's the me in Fort Collins, and the me in Denver, and the me at home with my parents. i'm not saying that i turn into someone new every time i'm in a new place. well, not exactly. but the thing is, each place has a different feel. with different friends. and different places that i like to go. i do different things when i go to these different places...

should i tell you about my adventures of taking my very first road trip alone? being pulled over by the state patrol, dodging semi-trucks, enjoying the incredible western scenery of mesas and canyons, all the while as i belt out the latest Sufjan Stevens?

or should i tell you about how i waited until the very night before my departure, to start packing my bags (yes, to move across the world), staying up until 5 AM, and then sleeping for 2 hours, barely waking up in time to finish packing my luggage, and leave for the airport?

or should i tell you about how incredibly at peace i felt as i stepped foot onto Amsterdam soil? how natural it felt to here those words from the voice overhead, "mind your step, mind your step" as i make my way through Schipol and finally, to the luggage cart?

or how gleeful (for lack of a better word) i felt as i saw, for the first time in 18 months, the golden trees against the backdrop of different colored canal houses...

or should i tell you stories about how many times i've told people ... "it feels so normal"?

yeah, it's wierd. but it actually feels "normal" to be riding a bike everywhere, speaking Dutch to people behind the counter, and speaking with friends who come from all different corners of this planet!

i guess what i'm trying to say, is that sometimes i look back on my life over the last few months and feel completely disjointed. so many things have happened! and i've been through so many experiences that are so distinct and seperate from one another! but while i can feel disjointed at times, i also feel pretty darn lucky.

this morning i read psalm 23.
the Lord is my shepherd. i shall not be in want.
he makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters.

many people have told me in the last couple months that i seem really content. or as Eric would put it: "you would make a good hippy, Naomi." and i would have to say that they are right. i'm really content right now. i'm enjoying the sunshine overhead. i have a Good Shepherd. i am not in want. i'm in green pastures. because the Lord is with me, i am always at home wherever i go.

the work of Sebastiao Salgado: good medicine to temper the selfishness

2005-10-28T04:00:00.000Z

Church Gate Station
Bombay, India 1995

Today I had the opportunity to see the work of photographer Sebastiao Salgado. There is an amazing exhibit called EXODUS that is being shown at The Leonardo in downtown Salt Lake City. Salgado is a world-renowned photojournalist who takes part in the tradition of "concerned photography". EXODUS is a visual chronicle of the global movement of populations at the turn of the millennium. Beginning in 1993 and continuing for the next six years, Salgado worked among migrants, refugees, and exiles across 40 countries in Africa, the Americas, Europe and Asia. Documenting their places of origin, the circumstances of their flight, and their uncertain destinations and destinies.

I exhort you to check out his website and take a look with your own eyes, the incredible images that Sebastiao Salgado has captured. I really appreciate his work especially as I have been considering more thoughtfully what it means to satisfy the needs of the oppressed. As a photojournalist, Salgado does a particularly good job of capturing individual images which can tell stories within themselves. Salgado does not see himself as “an artist.” Speaking to the
New Yorker magazine, he said, “I’m not an artist.... I work in history, I’m a storyteller.”

Although many of these photos are about 10 years old, they give a face to the people who are presently suffering in places like Darfur in Sudan...or all the displaced peoples of the recent earthquake in Pakistan. Millions are without homes and children are without parents to care for them. It really brings things into perspective--what I consider difficulty and trial in my current state of life, is nothing in comparison to those who are suffering (as depicted by the photos) and who are without a place to call home.

Rwandan refugee camp of Benako, Tanzania 1995

winter came too soon...

2005-10-10T23:26:00.000Z

my dad is trying out his new snow blower that my grandpa passed on to him...

we've been blanketed in snow...12 or more inches (30.5+ cm) have fallen already, and it's not stopping...the trees hadn't even lost their leaves yet, and were barely turning color...the snow is so wet and heavy that a lot of the trees around my house are breaking under the weight of the snow. all day today i could hear branches breaking off and falling to the ground. only a few days ago i was basking in the warm sun...sitting out on my lawn in shorts and a t-shirt...it's amazing how quickly things change.

my mom loves decorating the house in each new season. She put these falling leaves on the window, but they seem so out of place with all that snow in the background. it feels like we skipped straight to winter...that's Colorado weather!

why?

2005-09-29T19:26:00.000Z

i met him for the first time 45 days ago. he was one of the few to respond to a presentation i gave about Amsterdam. no one i talked to seemed to know who he was.

he was late meeting me. his car had broken down. his daughter had to give him a ride. "Nothing new," he said calmly. "It happens." He spoke very softly.

i wasn't sure at first what to expect of this time with him. his graying shabby hair, mustache and crooked yellowing teeth gave an immediate impression of a deadbeat. but than i heard soft whisperings of his heart from deep within.

he had been so moved to hear that we were trying to reach people in Amsterdam. the broken. the oppressed. he himself came from a broken past. siblings who had died of alcholism. he was just finishing up his counseling degree, and was already working with recovering alcoholics and drug addicts. sharing the love of God with them. giving them hope.

he thought it was so neat that i was going to Amsterdam. a place where many are in bondage. he knew he couldn't go to Amsterdam himself, but he wished so much, to help in some way. he was so glad that i called. so glad that we could meet. so glad to help, so eager to be a part of what we were doing.

i was touched by his heart. i tried telling him how much i admired him for what he does. his working with alcholics and addicts humbled me. he didn't take compliments well. here i was asking him to help support me in Amsterdam, while he was already doing so much--giving hope to the oppressed. i even tried introducing him to people in church that night. he had only been going for three months--he was so shy and soft spoken, i don't think he had tried to meet many people there. but i wanted him to be known! i wanted to proclaim the good heart within him to everyone!

"Meet Neal!! Look closely into his heart and see how brightly it shines!!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Last night I called his house. I had been needing to follow-up with him.

"Is Neal available?"

-A woman answered. She seemed indignant that I had called. "Are you a friend of his?"

How do I answer this? I barely new him, but I felt like his friend.
"No, I'm an aquaintance of his."

-"Neal's not here anymore." ...

He died.

He overdosed.

"I don't know what happened, he had been clean for so long. He got a little depressed. He got confused..." His mother trailed off. "His funeral was today. We buried him."

My heart is breaking over this. a million things run through my mind. how could he have lost hope? how could he not see what a gem of a man he was? how uniquely beautiful he was? how he was affecting people? What if I had tried to call only a few days earlier? Why did he die? Why did God have it that I would meet this man? I'm so sad that he's gone, that I didn't have a chance to talk with him more.

I'm so sad that he lost hope in living.

I can only hope that he is truly Living now.

And it awakens me to the preciousness of every opportunity that we have with people around us. no matter how insignificant they may seem in our lives.

"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15,16

mind vs. body vs. spirit

2005-08-28T19:14:00.000Z

a simple reflection
of a simple boy.

meet Paul:

he can read only
his name and home address.
he can add as long
as his fingers will allow.
he rarely spreads his own
peanut butter and jelly.

he is the first
to stretch out a greeting hand.
the neighbor kids proclaim his popularity
proven by his many "hello's" in the halls.
he will break many into smiles
with his lovable greetings and hugs.

at school assemblies he's given
a standing ovation for his
bowling and basketball.
his athletic abilities, including his
mini-golf scores often surpass my own.

on Fridays, he counts down the days
until school starts again.
he thrives on routine.
his mornings are spent reciting with my mother
the consecutive events of the day
(school lunch always being a highlight).
his future doesn't exist
beyond the wall calender month.

much to our dismay
he loves the music turned up loud
he belts out every song,
whether known or unknown
and sings in tune.
he can impersonate and memorize movies
little mermaid to jackie chan.

he reminds us to bow are heads
before dinner.
he talks about and to
Jesus, his invisible friend.
his temper subsides
if we pray with him.
he cried at the Passion.
he needs to be reminded
he is loved.

eager as Christmas morning
he awakes the house to begin
the much anticipated day.
the baby of the family just turned 18.

his birthday reminds us
Paul is
joy come into the world.
a good gift to mend
the broken pieces of selfishness.

through the eyes of the lens

2005-08-26T19:10:00.000Z

it seems that most of our trip, i found myself looking at things through the viewer of my camera rather than just appreciating it in that moment, and not feeling like i had to capture everything. i love making images and creating new perspective through photography...but i had to consciously assure myself that it was ok to just take in the sight, and not have it all on my camera.

this picture to me, is the epitome of "the West". After living in the Netherlands, I have a newfound appreciation for the western landscape. you just don't see this in europe.

glimpses of our journey

2005-08-26T19:04:00.000Z

las vegas all lit up

i have not edited this photo one bit. kinda trippy huh? this is along the boardwalk of Mission Beach outside of San Diego.

having fun at an old amusment park. this is after being tossed around on one of the most rickety roller coasters i've ever been on.

surfing wannabes (well, except for Sherry--she's the real thing.)

postcard shot of the Golden Gate.

the clock keeps ticking

2005-08-26T18:16:00.000Z

we were driving up the pacific coast highway while we watched the sun setting behind the ocean's horizon. i was driving. i probably shouldn't have been watching as much as i did. we were making endless curves around mountainous hills to our right, and cliffs hanging over the ocean on our left. it didn't allow much room for sight seeing from the drivers seat. so we had to pull over several times so i could take all of the beauty in and enjoy it too. what should have been an 8 hour drive, ended up being a 12 hour drive to San Francisco! this is just one experience of the many beautiful moments we had on our road trip. there are many stories and pictures to share.

do you ever feel behind? i often feel like i'm in the driver's seat...and there's no time to watch and enjoy the beauty of life around me because I have to get to my destination! time is of essence! after two weeks of travels, i feel behind in so many ways. i've slowly been catching up on emails, laundry, phone calls ... the list carries on ... and to more serious things as well (and keeping up with blogs doesn't help either.) i suppose that just puts into perspective why i've heard it said, "let Jesus be in the driver's seat." as cliche as this sounds, i really would rather have the creator of the universe do the driving so i can sit back and enjoy the ride.

California, or Bust!

2005-08-09T00:32:00.000Z

Starting bright and early tomorrow morning, three of my dearest friends and I are heading out to California! It's going to be quite the adventure. We'll stop in Las Vegas tomorrow night and stay with one of the girls's brothers. Then we head to San Diego to visit with Sherry and Erica. Next we'll be stopping in LA and hopefully visit the Kairos church in the area that sunday evening.

On the way up to San Francisco, we plan on driving up the coast on HWY 1. I'm envisioning something like this along the way:

Our last stop in Cali is San Fran, visiting with Patricia's sister. And then we head back east through Salt Lake City...and eventually back to Denver. We'll probably put over 3,000 miles on the car.

RENT

2005-08-05T05:55:00.001Z

the broadway musical RENT is coming to a theater near you!
(23 Nov 2005)

drug addicts, drag queens, promiscuous relationships, both homosexual and hetero, AIDS infected... a story of bohemian squatters living in the east village of New York... in poverty financially, and in finding love.

this may not sound like the typical movie i would go around promoting or recommending to people. i only recently saw RENT live on broadway six months ago. it was quite the performance. more than anything i enjoyed it for the incredible singing and songwriting. but what i really found fasinating about RENT was its insightful portrayal into the heart of human beings.

no matter who you are, whether you are a person who finds your identity in money, sexuality, work, or spirituality...whatever the millions of things you may find your identity in... you desire to be loved. you need and want love. you thrive and truly live, in and under love.

my absolute favorite part of the musical was the performance of the theme song "Seasons of Love"--it perfectly captures the idea of love being the most valuable thing in life. it is what you should measure your life by. How much have you loved others or been loved? Of course my defintion of Love, and the way this is portrayed is probably different than what the musical is actually talking about. Yet in its essence... the characters of RENT desire a love that lasts. a love that accepts you right where you are. a love that forgives.

Seasons of Love:

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes
how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned
or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned
or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends
let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love! Remember the love!
Measure in love. Seasons of love!

miracle baby

2005-08-02T15:58:00.000Z

one of my best friend's had her baby last week.
he came two months too early.
three pounds. fifteen ounces.

for those of you unfamiliar with the newborn world...if a baby stays in the womb to a full nine month term, they will usually weigh anywhere from six to nine pounds on average. THREE POUNDS!! that is tiny! the amazing thing about this baby is that he has had no complications. most premature babies have heart or lung problems, being underdeveloped. so far, the doctors can find no problems whatsoever. he is developing well. and even advanced in some ways...he's already taking his mom's milk. and the strange thing is the doctors can't figure out why she went into labor so early. she had no complications during her pregnancy...in fact she is one of the healthiest people i know of. was this little one just so eager to come into the world?

it makes me wonder. what is in store for this child? is he going to be one of those prodigy children, who start their college education at the age of 13? is he a prophet bringing news to the world? a famous concert pianist?

more than anything it is a picture of God's timing being so different from our own timing. for some reason or another, God has a purpose in bringing this child into the world, two months earlier than anyone had imagined. maybe it's solely so that my friend will be able to empathize with all the women who have premees. she will be able to comfort those she would not have comforted in the same way in the past. maybe it's to show more of the miracle of life. after only seven mere months of growth, a life...a new breathing, living life is in the world. that's only 217 days of growth! it's really incredible if you think about it.

and ... speaking of God's timing... for some reason i'm still here in Colorado. i never imagined myself being here for as long as i have. i wouldn't have chosen to be here as long as i have. and yet good has come out of it. good that i didn't see coming.

the secret's out!

2005-08-01T03:52:00.000Z

so, i hadn't really told anyone about my blog. in fact i was trying to be a closet blogger. (silly i know) what's the point of a blog if no one is going to read it? but i guess when i started it two months ago i didn't know what i envisioned it to be yet. (this is my perfectionism getting in the way, yet again.) do i want to use it for poetry and creative writing? do i want to use it for deep thoughts on spirituality? what about photography? current events? i confess that i actually wrote 3 or 4 posts...but never actually published them...perhaps it stems back to the excerpt from the poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot. Do I dare disturb the universe with my thoughts and observations? It's hardly "disturbing" or affecting the "universe", for that matter...but i do feel a lot like Mr. Prufrock...he was so uncertain of whether to confess his love to a woman. he may or may not have totally rocked her world by telling her his true feelings. I have no confession of love to make. but i do wonder how putting my thoughts out into cyberspace will affect people.

but now, the secret's out! it's hilarious actually. i was reading a friend's blog from Amsterdam (Eric's)...and he posted my blog under his links!! i was so shocked to find it there! how on earth he found it, i don't know. (really i shouldn't be so naive to think i could hide it forever)...but now i guess this means that i'm out of the closet!

hello. my name is Naomi. And I am a blogger.

mutemath

2005-05-25T19:33:00.000Z

i had a chance to see muthmath in Boulder last night. they put on an amazing show! how do i describe them?... electronic/reggae/new rock/...definitely a band that doesn't fit into a specific genre, which is something i really enjoy about them. they are not afraid to experiment with their sound and push the limits. i could go on about how much i like this band and that everyone should check them out...but what was especially fun about last night, was that i brought my brother Paul with me. Paul is someone who pushes limits too. or maybe it's just that he isn't aware of them. he has no reservations about going up to people and giving them a high five, shaking hands and introducing himself, or interacting with complete strangers as if they were old friends. he made me wait around afterwards until we had a chance to meet one of the band members (whose name also happened to be Paul, which of course, my brother LOVED the fact that he shares his name with him.)

i love this about Paul. nothing holds him back from people. even if people don't respond to him with the same geniune kindness, he isn't taken aback...he continues to love people. although he's now 17, he's still such a little "child" in so many ways. last night made me grasp more of why "the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." as an adult i can so easily let social and cultural trivialities trip me up--keep me from experiencing the full blessings God wants to give me, because my mind has social boundaries imbedded into it. "i can't talk to this person because they might think such and such about me." or even taken from a different perspective, why the "least" or the "last" will be the "first" in God's world. i saw last night people's different responses to Paul, some ignore him, some are little bit wierded out, or wipe their hands after he offered a handshake, but others accept his kindness and warm up to him in an instant. people only see the outside of him and aren't always sure what to do with him. yet God sees Paul in all his glory. i can't wait for that day when i can too. it will be a beautiful sight.

open skies

2005-05-21T03:48:00.000Z

the beauty of Colorado.
open skies hanging thick over a reaching road.
it longs to touch the color metaphorphosing.
i'm mesmerised.
i distract the driver with my gawking camera.
why isn't anyone else noticing?